Ignorance Is Bliss

To live is to learn, that's a truth I believe in. Some may disagree with the argument that not everyone learns from their experiences, to that I disagree. We all learn as life passes us by or we jump on and enjoy the ride. It's not a matter of not learning, but simply a matter of to what extent we apply what we learn. For those of us that ignore the lessons life teaches us, we not so gracefully fall into ignorance. I, especially lately, have remained ignorant. Whether it's a phase or simply a rough patch in my life it doesn't really matter, what matters is when one is able to open their eyes and right their wrongs. There are few guarantees in life outside of death, but one thing that life always brings is failure. It is in the moments of failure that begin to define what type of person we will become. For me, failure is forever evoking the urge to not try, to not pursue what I so long to pursue so that I may not feel the bite of failure. Just typing that opens my eyes even more to the sadness that life can sometimes swallow us up in. After so many attempts and failures, denial begins to set in right along side comfort, and this is where so many people are and may forever remain, comfortably living in denial that their life is actually what they want it to be. But when someone dives into the deep dark spaces of their soul's wants and desires, their denial has left them far from the truth. Being ignorant allows our minds to settle, and there in lies the problem. It is in our nature to want to be happy, even if that means living in denial that we can be comfortably ignorant. Open your eyes, beg the question that may open up fear that could leave you paralyzed by the sudden jolt from denial and comfort, the question that may shake the very foundation that you have built your world around. But you have to remember that life is finite, and it is for this very reason that simply being ignorant so that life can be comfortable is so unjust and unfair that it's almost criminal to subject yourself to it. Be honest, be open, and answer the question, "what do I want?" For me I haven't quite locked it down, but that's the beauty of it, I know it's not what I'm doing now, and that very statement drags me from comfortable ignorance into the unknown, and that's great for me, it allows me to open up a world that I've never been in, and that friends, is living...

In Light of Love

Is it merely a thing that can illicit such emotion that can bring a man to his knees in despair or lift him off the ground in joy? It can bring both pain and pleasure and when taken advantage of is one of the worst mistakes a person can make. It can only be described by those who have experienced it and understood by those who have felt it. It creates a bond so strong that many die never have loosening their grip on it. Some have the pleasure of being in it as they read this and others the hope of what it brings. Some have felt it's unbelievably bitter sting that can leave scars deeper than the imagination ever allowed and others sheer joy from something as simple as look from the one they love. How is it that such an experience can bring about such opposite effects? I don't think anyone can quite give an answer, but I do feel that no matter the consequence, hard pursuit in spite of failure is beyond worth even the potential that it holds. Love, so intricate and delicate, yet bold and unbreakable, impossible to understand, yet irresistibly easy to feel. When treated with care, love can bring us through anything and will withstand the test they call time. A year ago today I wrote quite oppositely of love and February 14th, but I guess a year has given me time to become just a little more wise. I wish the best to all that read this, in love or not, searching or not. Whether it be a significant other or someone you barely know, take the time today to realize what love is and allow yourself to be aware of it. Happy Valentines Day.

Hello Summer

It's no secret that I absolutely loathe the coming months that are winter. It's like a blanket of dread wraps itself around all things happy, a dementor if you will. However, to avoid being negative and unpleasant to be around I've made a habit of looking forward to the spring and summer months. Just the thought has the potential to brighten my day, even if it is dark at 4:30. The truth is, a very vivid picture was laid out tonight while I watched a movie and as cheesy as it may sound it was wonderful. The scene was simple, two people, hopelessly bound to fall in love, naturally, and they sit on the edge of a dock on a summer night enjoying nothing more than each other and the sounds of summer. Flirting and romance ensue, clothes come off (not all of them, PG) and the next thing you know they are jumping in the lake. Call me cheesy, don't care, in a month as miserable as January, this scene brought more than just a few minutes in a movie, but packed in the beauty of memory and a little longing. I don't know about you, but spring and summer bring about so much life and color it is impossible that it go unnoticed. More than just flowers and trees spring to life, it's as if, like blooms, I begin to come alive in a new way every year. It was this feeling of life that the scene provoked, hence inspiring this post. So, if you're like me and the next few months just bring you down take some advice, go to the memory bank and recall the beauty and life that are not too far off. Take a breathe, imagine that favorite summer spot with the people (or person) you enjoy most, and slip away for a moment. That bit of longing gets me through my least favorite months every year, hope it can for you too.

The Human Nature

Have you ever thought what it would be like if you could take away outside influences and decide what it is that you want for your life? In the post college period, where the time to decide what it is that I truly want from this thing called life, I have quickly realized that I simply do not know. Not too long ago I started thinking about what it is I would do if the decision was purely mine, keyword being purely. What hit me was surprising and it was the fact that so many opinions and even what I thought I wanted to do years ago now play a key part in deciding what I want now. To be honest, this realization was subtly disappointing at first then as time passed I began to grow more and more frustrated at the idea that I may not be making one of the most important decisions of my life on my own. These outside influences come from parents, friends, thought of supporting a future wife, and even the idea of not doing what you told so many you would and being embarrassed by it. Too often I can't put these factors out of my mind, so instead of coming up with something that I think I may truly enjoy and be at peace with, I never allow myself to idealize these things because of outside influences. Some of the most prominent people to ever exist were frowned on by society and half of them never had a "real" job, modern day authors are a prime example (that is until they write a best-seller.) So why share these thoughts? The reason is this, I want to truly refuse outside influence and go against what is so human and is simply our nature, and decide what I want in life for only the reasons that I see fit. The liberation and freedom people who have done this before me I can only imagine and while it may be hard, I'd like to join this group of people, no matter the societal consequence. If you'd like to surprise yourself ask yourself the question if you haven't already and imagine your answer in it's utmost purity; "What do I  want." Let your mind free and imagine what brings you joy in this life and push out the mess that friends, family, and society as a whole have put in. Not to say that all advice and outside wisdom is bad, but bar God, no one knows what's best for you than, well, you.

A Long Way Down

Thanks to the one and only Dee Crawford, I've yet again found some inspiration to share some thoughts. Earlier today I happened to be reading some of the psalms when my "inspiration" arrived via text. Coincidence? Maybe, but I like to think not. The higher we climb the further we must fall, meaning, at some point the weight of what we have carried and the distance we traveled carrying it is bound to evoke a fall. In reading psalms you quickly see a theme of crying out to God in desperation and adoration as the psalmist pray and praise God through their ups and downs, which is what this life is guaranteed to bring. One of the greatest analogies I have ever read said that a fish out of water or a tree out of the soil does not make either free. A common mistake among people is that running from God and separating ourselves from him gives us "freedom" to do as we please, but the reality is it does nothing more than drown us or remove the very source that was bringing about life. While there is no mistake that living without God is indeed doable, as we prove when we climb and climb on our own, it is the length at which we can travel that has a limit. Everyone has a different threshold when it comes to living without God, but we all have a point at which the load becomes too much and thus the fall commences. One thing is guaranteed, we will try to move through this world on our own and at some point fail, but the less time we spend on our own, the shorter the fall. So, take a lighter and more kind burden as you walk with God and avoid doing it on your own and setting yourself up for a long way down.

From Dark to Light

A theme that has existed from the time before time is that of darkness and light often referred to as good and evil. So it's no surprise that it has been (and still is) discussed and debated among great philosophers and sidewalk commoners for thousands of years. The relevance of darkness and light has very recently struck a chord in my own life, hence the sudden post after a rather dormant writing period. Anyone that knows me knows that I love to laugh and enjoy life with the minimal amount of stress possible. While I think that this has worked well for me, there must be a breaking point where the stresses of life, sin, and whatever else do indeed break you. Catching on? While sharing the events leading up to this break are unnecessary, and being I'm not seeking sympathy and pity, I do, however, feel obligated to endeavor to inspire those that may be on the verge of the "break" with the confidence that through a mighty and gracious God, darkness cannot exist in the presence of light. It is no secret that I am a Christian (at least I hope not) but I have, for the most part, only eluded to this fact in previous blogs as these are meant mainly to entertain and occasionally challenge readers. But, when God does only what he can it demands praise. A very dark and formidable season of my life has finally ended and the light at the end of the tunnel was that of God ushering me back to Him. So whatever it is that you may be struggling with, know that there is an incredible God ready to beckon you home and receive you with grace, as he has done for me on more than one occasion. It is in the dark times I swell with doubt and fear and begin to take life into my own hands. After failing consistently at these attempts, I have realized that I do not, and never will have the steady hands of God to handle the situations and temptations that this life has to offer. So look up and let go so that you may allow God to take the reigns.

A Look In

What is meant by "chaos and confusion?" Is it the total awareness that one isn't in control, or that what is going on around you has escalated to a point that brings no comfort? I think this phrase brings about a plethora of meanings to the people that use it. So why bother asking this question? I ask because it hit me that after defining what "chaos and confusion" means, it seems that the common answer points to not having control. So if this is true then life in general must be a constant state of chaos and confusion? So, why is it that we don't see life this way at all times? Asking this question brought me to a realization and a since of comfort and it's this; the little things in life like laughter, anger, joy, and love bring about and evoke feelings that "chaos and confusion" can't overcome. Given, there are moments in life that force us to see that we aren't in control and cause feelings of absolute vulnerability but they are just that, moments. So when these moments hit and life seems overwhelming and in control of you remember that it is what happens outside of chaos and confusion that make life the wonderful thing that it can be.

Timing Is Everything

So its been a while since my last post and I can honestly say that lately inspiration to write hasn't really been there. However, I've found a little incitement and it is mainly due to the insane pace my life has bolted into as the last semester of my career at UT comes to a close. I've done a lot of reflecting lately due to the current state my life is in and I realize that while a lot of things are in my control, some simply aren't. It's the things that I can't control that seem to perplex me most and I end up with a desire to control them, only to be brought back to earth and realize I can't. For some situations being in the wrong place at the wrong time leads to that lack of control we so desire while in other situations the "thing" we most want to have is there the whole time and not being able to have it is simply due to timing. A lesson I'm quickly learning is that you really can't always get what you want. Society says if you work hard enough you can do just about anything and most of the time that's true but when it isn't, how we face what's out of our control says a lot about us. Lately I see that facing what I can't have and accepting it is extremely difficult but it is simply part of life. Now, more than ever, having to move on and truly transition into this thing we call "adulthood" and face situations from a mature perspectives is a good thing, and by accepting what I can't control I am much more at ease. In these realizations I was also made aware that acceptance of what we can't control should not be an excuse to give up on something worth fighting for, there is a huge difference. So step back, look at what you can actually control, accept what you can't, and fight for what is worth fighting for, even if it means failing, because sometimes failing is better than not trying.

Enjoy It!

It's unseasonably sunny and warm, campus is alive, and everyone I know is just happier. It's out of the ordinary days like this that make you realize how great things actually are and made me realize what a problem I have of getting in a boring and mundane routine. Unfortunately, school is a big reason I get in these "slumps" and I simply just get through the day because of it, but I've realized that life is way too short to "get through the day." My current up swing in mood made me realize that actually "living" my day is way better. The beauty of living the day is that it's actually pretty simple. For me, it's nothing more than realizing that I need to focus on the positive and get away from my typically pessimistic attitude, which is why awesome weather was able to evoke this realization, it "brightened" my day (pun intended.) With that said, I've decided that more days than not can and should be bright ones. Cliche, maybe, but if cliche's are able to evoke living your day instead of drudging through it then I'm all for it. So open your eyes, there is something bright in every day, God made sure of it so enjoy it.

Unsettled

Hard work and dedication is often a phrase associated with some type of sport or competitive activity but not used too often with relationships. Why is this? Well it's pretty simple, as nature would have it, impulsiveness is something that most struggle with, especially in the world of dating. You see it, you want it, you go for it, and this works...sometimes. I've heard the phrase "you're just too picky" all of my adult life and to that I say, yes, I am and with great reason. By being "picky" I've decided exactly what I'm looking for and have to say that I have no regrets if finding it means being single for years to come. I think it's safe to say that those awesome couples that have been together for 50 plus years didn't settle. It's knowing exactly what you want and what you deserve that makes relationships. Like winter makes summer that much sweeter, patient persistence in finding exactly what your looking for makes the wait worth it. Once that person is found the hard work and dedication that goes into a relationship is worth it, and it's because you know that person is worth it. So be picky, be unsettled, and when what you're looking for comes along go for it with everything you have, even if that "something" is years in the future.

Fairy Tales and Fallacies

So, what does successful love look like, or what should a person expect from "true" love? If I were to ask the average student that question the answers would vary no doubt, but the ideas would more than likely be very similar. It would probably go something like this " Well it means being happy, falling in love, not arguing a lot, and being able to agree on most things." Somewhere in that answer the idea of a fairy tale relationship where Mr. Perfect comes to the rescue and is always caring and sensitive and willing to stop life to take care of his "one and only,"or Ms. Perfect, who will always be a 10, melts when the guy ask her out and then she cooks, cleans, and agrees with everything he says and looks perfect as soon as she rolls out of bed would probably be mentioned. This construed idea of love (or lack there of) is obviously ridiculous when we see it written down. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself what it is you're actually looking for in a person? Ideas from multiple sources like movies and such make there way into our heads and we form ideas of a "perfect" relationship based on very rare or even impossible notions. Those that know me know I'm a hopeless romantic realist, or better put, I would love nothing more than fairy tale relationships to work or exist but I'm also very aware that they simply don't happen. If you've never actually put a lot of thought of real qualities that you expect from someone you should, there's a great chance that these realistic expectations could save you a lot of let downs and heart breaks. If your expectations are true from the start, then your disappointments will be true when they occur, as opposed to expecting something ridiculous, and inevitably being disappointed when Ms. Perfect or Mr. Right doesn't come through in the clutch. It's okay to have high expectations, but it's also necessary to realize that none of us are perfect and neither is your current of future partner, so be real, expect what is necessary and enjoy what is extraordinary.

Best Day of The Year... Not

It's here again, the day that "love" is celebrated and couples across the country have an excuse to go on a date and spend money on all things pink and red, Valentines Day. For some this day is exciting and full of great feelings usually elicited by someone they love (or really like) and for those people enjoying this day, have enough fun for the rest of us. Dread may be a good word to describe the oh so great 14th day of February for all the "singles." Unlike those sharing this day with that special someone, we "others" get to spend this day being reminded of that special someone we don't have, oh joy. So what do we do about this day, there are only a few options here and usually they just don't work. We could ignore this day and try to go about it like it's any other day... until your best friend receives 400 roses and a card that won't fit through the door, yea that won't work. Then there's the "well I'll show them, I'll just rent a movie and eat cookie dough by myself tonight" approach which fails because you end up watching some romantic comedy where people fall in love and when your roommate gets back from their awesome date your crying on the couch stuffing your face, bad idea. So what to do? You tell me, I've been trying to figure it out for like four years. But seriously, the truth is, for those of us who are suffering from being single on this celebrated day, remaining hopeful that next year we might actually get to participate in the holiday is about all we can do (or egg cars at your local Ruth's Chris.) So to all of you in my boat, let's be happy this Tuesday, because statistics show that at least 50% of the couples on dates will be single soon (evil laugh.)

Stepping Out

I think its fair to say that most people have a pretty clear idea of comfort zones and thus are able to recognize their own. The downfall of recognizing our individual comfort zones is that they aren't always accurate. Typically they are skewed one way or the other, better put, people like to think that their "zone" is pretty large and are willing to do or say quite a bit in most situations (this is me) or they undercut themselves and create an idea that they aren't willing to do much that involves going out of their way. The problem with both is that it leads to people not doing much at all because they either don't feel the need to or they feel they can't, I'm guilty of this, hence why I'm writing. Life is complicated and presents more opportunities than we can imagine to get out of  our comfort zones if we choose to. When I think about opportunities that I've passed up or ones that I'm passing up right now it's clear that I've missed out some things that could have been great. These opportunities can range from choosing to say yes to something that might scare you to death or doing something as simple as going on a date. If we don't step out of our comfort zones its inevitable that we will miss out on some pretty awesome things in life, and let's face it, we don't enjoy looking back with regret, so step out, enjoy life.

Hard Truth

Have you ever thought about how dishonest people are on a regular basis. When the truth is offensive, culture and society have the wonderful tendency to lie about the issue at hand rather than just be real with someone. What good does this do? Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely guilty of this but the reason I'm bringing it up is because I've realized how "acceptable" it is. I understand that we innately don't want to hurt someone we like or love (sometimes) but if there is an issue to be dealt with then it should be brought up, no matter the consequence. If someone has done something offensive or something that's blatantly wrong then they should know it. How can someone change when they see no reason for change. This is when people get ran over and then justify being ran over by saying "it's not worth it" or "it's really not a big deal." That's not okay, from my knowledge of human decency and respect, people shouldn't be "running" over anyone, for any reason. Speak up, even if the truth is offensive and you know the person may not want to hear it, you owe it to them and yourself. I think deep down everyone appreciates honesty and "hard" truth. Remember, if you lose a "friend" because you were honest with them, then maybe you should reconsider what a friend is.

The "Spark"

Meet-cute, when two people meet unexpectedly in some quirky fashion and they know that there is something special about meeting each other. Sound familiar? It should, because this is what happens in just about every romantic comedy and is what let's the audience know that the couple is about to fall in love. While I'm very aware that this style of finding your future wife or husband is not common, there is some truth in a meet-cute. This is where the spark comes in. For most of my adult life I've never believed in love at first sight or there being that "one" special person for someone. Recently, after some research and a lot of thought my view has changed quite a bit. Long story short, Why would God not have that "one" person that can in some sense be the perfect fit for each of us, let's be honest, God knows what we need more than anyone else. So if you look at love from this perspective then I think it's fair to expect a "spark" with that special someone. Maybe being truly "in" love with someone isn't possible after one date or run-in, but having that feeling that you can't quite explain about the person after only being with them a short time definitely is. That's the "spark," when being with a person just makes sense and you spend your time thinking about the next time you'll get to hang out or talk. Don't mistake what I'm talking about for lust, but genuine feelings that far exceed any form of lust, and if you were reading this and nodding because you know what I'm describing then you understand what I mean, if not, hopefully one day you will. So, I say all that to say this, expect the spark, because if we do love right then love will last our earthly lifetime with someone and without that spark, well....

With Age Comes Wisdom... I Think?

Here lately I've noticed a few things in this life that I can honestly say I've never thought of much less contemplated. Ones of these unexpected "epiphany's" is that life is becoming far more complicated much quicker than I ever expected. The reality is that the older I get the more responsibility I am forced to take on and the less stress free my outlook on life is. To complicate life even more, as we get older we become a little wiser and a little less quick to forget things that we might have when the stresses of life weren't so apparent. So what happens (and what I am currently realizing) is that with age does come wisdom and realizations that my former stress free no care self never realized, and because of this some of the joys of life lose a little spark. However, something else I've also noticed with a little age is that I have started to appreciate things that I either took for granted or completely lacked appreciation for. Being in school is one area of life that I greatly under appreciated until very recently. Seeing this typed out even a few months ago would have made me laugh, but I have seen the benefits and blessings that I have received because of it. So, as things may seem a little less care-free and easy as we get a little older its always great to see the lessons that life teaches us whether its the hard way or not. A little lesson I learned from the wonderful movie Zombieland is "enjoy the little things." Without this life can and will overwhelm. So, learn from the rough stuff, appreciate what needs to be appreciated, enjoy the little things, and look forward to what life has to offer.

In The Big Scheme of Things...

Ever had those moments in life where something happens and it feels like its the end of the world? Well I have. To be honest, its in those moments when I question where my life is going, why I'm in the position I'm in, and is this even worth my effort? Usually, I say no to all of the above and just want to quit, and at times I have. The problem with this is that all of us are emotional creatures, that's the way we were designed and its because of this that we want to feel sorry for ourselves and dwell on what we can't redo. What I have learned, is that with time, and sometimes not a lot of it, these irrational feeling of wanting to give up and question our entire motive aren't worth the stress or self pity when we picture them in the big scheme of things. Let's be honest, if we just step back and look at our situation compared to how bad it could have been, or how bad other people have it, we quickly see how not severe it really is. So, in moments of despair and stress just step back and look at the big picture, take a deep breathe, and respond as positive as you can to the situation at hand. Besides, its not getting knocked down that shapes your character, its how you pick yourself up.

Hopelessly Hopeful

I believe its fair to consider myself a genuine hopeless romantic. To be clear, this means that I find the good in relationships and do my best to ignore or overlook all of the downsides that come along with being "involved" with someone (and that I openly enjoy watching chick flicks).The irony to this is that in all other facets of life I am a realist, doesn't quite line up. How can a realist look so forward to something that, in the end, is going to require a lot of patience and understanding as well knowing that there will be times I will have to agree with something that makes no sense because "its that time of the month?" Simple, its like Christmas. That feeling of being crazy excited to receive gifts from loved ones but even more excited to give your gifts so you can see the expression on their faces. Seeing someone crazy excited about the gift you thought of and then gave them makes pretending to be excited about that awful piece of clothing your great grandmother gave you worth it. In the same way, being loved is something I can most certainly look forward to but being able to unconditionally love someone because of who they are is all the more exciting. And knowing that in the great times will undoubtedly make up for the not so great ones. So, for all you hopeless romantics like myself who can't quite figure out why you allow yourself to seek out something that you know could hurt you or "complete" you, maybe seeing it from this "Christmas" perspective can help.

Misery Loves Company

Well its that time of year for the wonderful students at UT Knoxville, Finals. Most would think that this is hands down the worst part of the semester but, myself and many others would agree that it is quite the opposite. Many factors play into this backwards way of viewing finals, one of which is Christmas! With Santa preparing and the city decorating with festive white, red, and green lights on buildings and trees one can't help but have their spirits lifted, even if for a brief moment. However, the biggest factor is that while countless hours are spent in the library, the fact is, you are never alone. The beauty of finals is that there are thousands just like you sharing in your peril of studying. Knowing that gives a person great comfort and comradery, and as it goes, misery loves company, so enjoy your finals!

Ideals

This is the first of hopefully many post for me. To start, before I read anything I want to know why it was written so I'd like to briefly explain why I'm writing. I have a lot of opinions and ideas about topics ranging from food to religion like everyone else and their mom but I'm not here to bore anyone with political plights and judgmental post. Instead, I just want to get ideas that I have on life and things that I think matter out there for people to share and think about. In short, I'd like people to get an inside look, a narration if you will, into this brief and "fleeting" life of mine. I hope that gives an idea on whats to come and hope that future post will be enjoyable and look forward to feedback.