The Human Nature

Have you ever thought what it would be like if you could take away outside influences and decide what it is that you want for your life? In the post college period, where the time to decide what it is that I truly want from this thing called life, I have quickly realized that I simply do not know. Not too long ago I started thinking about what it is I would do if the decision was purely mine, keyword being purely. What hit me was surprising and it was the fact that so many opinions and even what I thought I wanted to do years ago now play a key part in deciding what I want now. To be honest, this realization was subtly disappointing at first then as time passed I began to grow more and more frustrated at the idea that I may not be making one of the most important decisions of my life on my own. These outside influences come from parents, friends, thought of supporting a future wife, and even the idea of not doing what you told so many you would and being embarrassed by it. Too often I can't put these factors out of my mind, so instead of coming up with something that I think I may truly enjoy and be at peace with, I never allow myself to idealize these things because of outside influences. Some of the most prominent people to ever exist were frowned on by society and half of them never had a "real" job, modern day authors are a prime example (that is until they write a best-seller.) So why share these thoughts? The reason is this, I want to truly refuse outside influence and go against what is so human and is simply our nature, and decide what I want in life for only the reasons that I see fit. The liberation and freedom people who have done this before me I can only imagine and while it may be hard, I'd like to join this group of people, no matter the societal consequence. If you'd like to surprise yourself ask yourself the question if you haven't already and imagine your answer in it's utmost purity; "What do I  want." Let your mind free and imagine what brings you joy in this life and push out the mess that friends, family, and society as a whole have put in. Not to say that all advice and outside wisdom is bad, but bar God, no one knows what's best for you than, well, you.

A Long Way Down

Thanks to the one and only Dee Crawford, I've yet again found some inspiration to share some thoughts. Earlier today I happened to be reading some of the psalms when my "inspiration" arrived via text. Coincidence? Maybe, but I like to think not. The higher we climb the further we must fall, meaning, at some point the weight of what we have carried and the distance we traveled carrying it is bound to evoke a fall. In reading psalms you quickly see a theme of crying out to God in desperation and adoration as the psalmist pray and praise God through their ups and downs, which is what this life is guaranteed to bring. One of the greatest analogies I have ever read said that a fish out of water or a tree out of the soil does not make either free. A common mistake among people is that running from God and separating ourselves from him gives us "freedom" to do as we please, but the reality is it does nothing more than drown us or remove the very source that was bringing about life. While there is no mistake that living without God is indeed doable, as we prove when we climb and climb on our own, it is the length at which we can travel that has a limit. Everyone has a different threshold when it comes to living without God, but we all have a point at which the load becomes too much and thus the fall commences. One thing is guaranteed, we will try to move through this world on our own and at some point fail, but the less time we spend on our own, the shorter the fall. So, take a lighter and more kind burden as you walk with God and avoid doing it on your own and setting yourself up for a long way down.

From Dark to Light

A theme that has existed from the time before time is that of darkness and light often referred to as good and evil. So it's no surprise that it has been (and still is) discussed and debated among great philosophers and sidewalk commoners for thousands of years. The relevance of darkness and light has very recently struck a chord in my own life, hence the sudden post after a rather dormant writing period. Anyone that knows me knows that I love to laugh and enjoy life with the minimal amount of stress possible. While I think that this has worked well for me, there must be a breaking point where the stresses of life, sin, and whatever else do indeed break you. Catching on? While sharing the events leading up to this break are unnecessary, and being I'm not seeking sympathy and pity, I do, however, feel obligated to endeavor to inspire those that may be on the verge of the "break" with the confidence that through a mighty and gracious God, darkness cannot exist in the presence of light. It is no secret that I am a Christian (at least I hope not) but I have, for the most part, only eluded to this fact in previous blogs as these are meant mainly to entertain and occasionally challenge readers. But, when God does only what he can it demands praise. A very dark and formidable season of my life has finally ended and the light at the end of the tunnel was that of God ushering me back to Him. So whatever it is that you may be struggling with, know that there is an incredible God ready to beckon you home and receive you with grace, as he has done for me on more than one occasion. It is in the dark times I swell with doubt and fear and begin to take life into my own hands. After failing consistently at these attempts, I have realized that I do not, and never will have the steady hands of God to handle the situations and temptations that this life has to offer. So look up and let go so that you may allow God to take the reigns.

A Look In

What is meant by "chaos and confusion?" Is it the total awareness that one isn't in control, or that what is going on around you has escalated to a point that brings no comfort? I think this phrase brings about a plethora of meanings to the people that use it. So why bother asking this question? I ask because it hit me that after defining what "chaos and confusion" means, it seems that the common answer points to not having control. So if this is true then life in general must be a constant state of chaos and confusion? So, why is it that we don't see life this way at all times? Asking this question brought me to a realization and a since of comfort and it's this; the little things in life like laughter, anger, joy, and love bring about and evoke feelings that "chaos and confusion" can't overcome. Given, there are moments in life that force us to see that we aren't in control and cause feelings of absolute vulnerability but they are just that, moments. So when these moments hit and life seems overwhelming and in control of you remember that it is what happens outside of chaos and confusion that make life the wonderful thing that it can be.

Timing Is Everything

So its been a while since my last post and I can honestly say that lately inspiration to write hasn't really been there. However, I've found a little incitement and it is mainly due to the insane pace my life has bolted into as the last semester of my career at UT comes to a close. I've done a lot of reflecting lately due to the current state my life is in and I realize that while a lot of things are in my control, some simply aren't. It's the things that I can't control that seem to perplex me most and I end up with a desire to control them, only to be brought back to earth and realize I can't. For some situations being in the wrong place at the wrong time leads to that lack of control we so desire while in other situations the "thing" we most want to have is there the whole time and not being able to have it is simply due to timing. A lesson I'm quickly learning is that you really can't always get what you want. Society says if you work hard enough you can do just about anything and most of the time that's true but when it isn't, how we face what's out of our control says a lot about us. Lately I see that facing what I can't have and accepting it is extremely difficult but it is simply part of life. Now, more than ever, having to move on and truly transition into this thing we call "adulthood" and face situations from a mature perspectives is a good thing, and by accepting what I can't control I am much more at ease. In these realizations I was also made aware that acceptance of what we can't control should not be an excuse to give up on something worth fighting for, there is a huge difference. So step back, look at what you can actually control, accept what you can't, and fight for what is worth fighting for, even if it means failing, because sometimes failing is better than not trying.

Enjoy It!

It's unseasonably sunny and warm, campus is alive, and everyone I know is just happier. It's out of the ordinary days like this that make you realize how great things actually are and made me realize what a problem I have of getting in a boring and mundane routine. Unfortunately, school is a big reason I get in these "slumps" and I simply just get through the day because of it, but I've realized that life is way too short to "get through the day." My current up swing in mood made me realize that actually "living" my day is way better. The beauty of living the day is that it's actually pretty simple. For me, it's nothing more than realizing that I need to focus on the positive and get away from my typically pessimistic attitude, which is why awesome weather was able to evoke this realization, it "brightened" my day (pun intended.) With that said, I've decided that more days than not can and should be bright ones. Cliche, maybe, but if cliche's are able to evoke living your day instead of drudging through it then I'm all for it. So open your eyes, there is something bright in every day, God made sure of it so enjoy it.

Unsettled

Hard work and dedication is often a phrase associated with some type of sport or competitive activity but not used too often with relationships. Why is this? Well it's pretty simple, as nature would have it, impulsiveness is something that most struggle with, especially in the world of dating. You see it, you want it, you go for it, and this works...sometimes. I've heard the phrase "you're just too picky" all of my adult life and to that I say, yes, I am and with great reason. By being "picky" I've decided exactly what I'm looking for and have to say that I have no regrets if finding it means being single for years to come. I think it's safe to say that those awesome couples that have been together for 50 plus years didn't settle. It's knowing exactly what you want and what you deserve that makes relationships. Like winter makes summer that much sweeter, patient persistence in finding exactly what your looking for makes the wait worth it. Once that person is found the hard work and dedication that goes into a relationship is worth it, and it's because you know that person is worth it. So be picky, be unsettled, and when what you're looking for comes along go for it with everything you have, even if that "something" is years in the future.

Fairy Tales and Fallacies

So, what does successful love look like, or what should a person expect from "true" love? If I were to ask the average student that question the answers would vary no doubt, but the ideas would more than likely be very similar. It would probably go something like this " Well it means being happy, falling in love, not arguing a lot, and being able to agree on most things." Somewhere in that answer the idea of a fairy tale relationship where Mr. Perfect comes to the rescue and is always caring and sensitive and willing to stop life to take care of his "one and only,"or Ms. Perfect, who will always be a 10, melts when the guy ask her out and then she cooks, cleans, and agrees with everything he says and looks perfect as soon as she rolls out of bed would probably be mentioned. This construed idea of love (or lack there of) is obviously ridiculous when we see it written down. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself what it is you're actually looking for in a person? Ideas from multiple sources like movies and such make there way into our heads and we form ideas of a "perfect" relationship based on very rare or even impossible notions. Those that know me know I'm a hopeless romantic realist, or better put, I would love nothing more than fairy tale relationships to work or exist but I'm also very aware that they simply don't happen. If you've never actually put a lot of thought of real qualities that you expect from someone you should, there's a great chance that these realistic expectations could save you a lot of let downs and heart breaks. If your expectations are true from the start, then your disappointments will be true when they occur, as opposed to expecting something ridiculous, and inevitably being disappointed when Ms. Perfect or Mr. Right doesn't come through in the clutch. It's okay to have high expectations, but it's also necessary to realize that none of us are perfect and neither is your current of future partner, so be real, expect what is necessary and enjoy what is extraordinary.

Best Day of The Year... Not

It's here again, the day that "love" is celebrated and couples across the country have an excuse to go on a date and spend money on all things pink and red, Valentines Day. For some this day is exciting and full of great feelings usually elicited by someone they love (or really like) and for those people enjoying this day, have enough fun for the rest of us. Dread may be a good word to describe the oh so great 14th day of February for all the "singles." Unlike those sharing this day with that special someone, we "others" get to spend this day being reminded of that special someone we don't have, oh joy. So what do we do about this day, there are only a few options here and usually they just don't work. We could ignore this day and try to go about it like it's any other day... until your best friend receives 400 roses and a card that won't fit through the door, yea that won't work. Then there's the "well I'll show them, I'll just rent a movie and eat cookie dough by myself tonight" approach which fails because you end up watching some romantic comedy where people fall in love and when your roommate gets back from their awesome date your crying on the couch stuffing your face, bad idea. So what to do? You tell me, I've been trying to figure it out for like four years. But seriously, the truth is, for those of us who are suffering from being single on this celebrated day, remaining hopeful that next year we might actually get to participate in the holiday is about all we can do (or egg cars at your local Ruth's Chris.) So to all of you in my boat, let's be happy this Tuesday, because statistics show that at least 50% of the couples on dates will be single soon (evil laugh.)

Stepping Out

I think its fair to say that most people have a pretty clear idea of comfort zones and thus are able to recognize their own. The downfall of recognizing our individual comfort zones is that they aren't always accurate. Typically they are skewed one way or the other, better put, people like to think that their "zone" is pretty large and are willing to do or say quite a bit in most situations (this is me) or they undercut themselves and create an idea that they aren't willing to do much that involves going out of their way. The problem with both is that it leads to people not doing much at all because they either don't feel the need to or they feel they can't, I'm guilty of this, hence why I'm writing. Life is complicated and presents more opportunities than we can imagine to get out of  our comfort zones if we choose to. When I think about opportunities that I've passed up or ones that I'm passing up right now it's clear that I've missed out some things that could have been great. These opportunities can range from choosing to say yes to something that might scare you to death or doing something as simple as going on a date. If we don't step out of our comfort zones its inevitable that we will miss out on some pretty awesome things in life, and let's face it, we don't enjoy looking back with regret, so step out, enjoy life.

Hard Truth

Have you ever thought about how dishonest people are on a regular basis. When the truth is offensive, culture and society have the wonderful tendency to lie about the issue at hand rather than just be real with someone. What good does this do? Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely guilty of this but the reason I'm bringing it up is because I've realized how "acceptable" it is. I understand that we innately don't want to hurt someone we like or love (sometimes) but if there is an issue to be dealt with then it should be brought up, no matter the consequence. If someone has done something offensive or something that's blatantly wrong then they should know it. How can someone change when they see no reason for change. This is when people get ran over and then justify being ran over by saying "it's not worth it" or "it's really not a big deal." That's not okay, from my knowledge of human decency and respect, people shouldn't be "running" over anyone, for any reason. Speak up, even if the truth is offensive and you know the person may not want to hear it, you owe it to them and yourself. I think deep down everyone appreciates honesty and "hard" truth. Remember, if you lose a "friend" because you were honest with them, then maybe you should reconsider what a friend is.

The "Spark"

Meet-cute, when two people meet unexpectedly in some quirky fashion and they know that there is something special about meeting each other. Sound familiar? It should, because this is what happens in just about every romantic comedy and is what let's the audience know that the couple is about to fall in love. While I'm very aware that this style of finding your future wife or husband is not common, there is some truth in a meet-cute. This is where the spark comes in. For most of my adult life I've never believed in love at first sight or there being that "one" special person for someone. Recently, after some research and a lot of thought my view has changed quite a bit. Long story short, Why would God not have that "one" person that can in some sense be the perfect fit for each of us, let's be honest, God knows what we need more than anyone else. So if you look at love from this perspective then I think it's fair to expect a "spark" with that special someone. Maybe being truly "in" love with someone isn't possible after one date or run-in, but having that feeling that you can't quite explain about the person after only being with them a short time definitely is. That's the "spark," when being with a person just makes sense and you spend your time thinking about the next time you'll get to hang out or talk. Don't mistake what I'm talking about for lust, but genuine feelings that far exceed any form of lust, and if you were reading this and nodding because you know what I'm describing then you understand what I mean, if not, hopefully one day you will. So, I say all that to say this, expect the spark, because if we do love right then love will last our earthly lifetime with someone and without that spark, well....