Unsettled

Hard work and dedication is often a phrase associated with some type of sport or competitive activity but not used too often with relationships. Why is this? Well it's pretty simple, as nature would have it, impulsiveness is something that most struggle with, especially in the world of dating. You see it, you want it, you go for it, and this works...sometimes. I've heard the phrase "you're just too picky" all of my adult life and to that I say, yes, I am and with great reason. By being "picky" I've decided exactly what I'm looking for and have to say that I have no regrets if finding it means being single for years to come. I think it's safe to say that those awesome couples that have been together for 50 plus years didn't settle. It's knowing exactly what you want and what you deserve that makes relationships. Like winter makes summer that much sweeter, patient persistence in finding exactly what your looking for makes the wait worth it. Once that person is found the hard work and dedication that goes into a relationship is worth it, and it's because you know that person is worth it. So be picky, be unsettled, and when what you're looking for comes along go for it with everything you have, even if that "something" is years in the future.

Fairy Tales and Fallacies

So, what does successful love look like, or what should a person expect from "true" love? If I were to ask the average student that question the answers would vary no doubt, but the ideas would more than likely be very similar. It would probably go something like this " Well it means being happy, falling in love, not arguing a lot, and being able to agree on most things." Somewhere in that answer the idea of a fairy tale relationship where Mr. Perfect comes to the rescue and is always caring and sensitive and willing to stop life to take care of his "one and only,"or Ms. Perfect, who will always be a 10, melts when the guy ask her out and then she cooks, cleans, and agrees with everything he says and looks perfect as soon as she rolls out of bed would probably be mentioned. This construed idea of love (or lack there of) is obviously ridiculous when we see it written down. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself what it is you're actually looking for in a person? Ideas from multiple sources like movies and such make there way into our heads and we form ideas of a "perfect" relationship based on very rare or even impossible notions. Those that know me know I'm a hopeless romantic realist, or better put, I would love nothing more than fairy tale relationships to work or exist but I'm also very aware that they simply don't happen. If you've never actually put a lot of thought of real qualities that you expect from someone you should, there's a great chance that these realistic expectations could save you a lot of let downs and heart breaks. If your expectations are true from the start, then your disappointments will be true when they occur, as opposed to expecting something ridiculous, and inevitably being disappointed when Ms. Perfect or Mr. Right doesn't come through in the clutch. It's okay to have high expectations, but it's also necessary to realize that none of us are perfect and neither is your current of future partner, so be real, expect what is necessary and enjoy what is extraordinary.

Best Day of The Year... Not

It's here again, the day that "love" is celebrated and couples across the country have an excuse to go on a date and spend money on all things pink and red, Valentines Day. For some this day is exciting and full of great feelings usually elicited by someone they love (or really like) and for those people enjoying this day, have enough fun for the rest of us. Dread may be a good word to describe the oh so great 14th day of February for all the "singles." Unlike those sharing this day with that special someone, we "others" get to spend this day being reminded of that special someone we don't have, oh joy. So what do we do about this day, there are only a few options here and usually they just don't work. We could ignore this day and try to go about it like it's any other day... until your best friend receives 400 roses and a card that won't fit through the door, yea that won't work. Then there's the "well I'll show them, I'll just rent a movie and eat cookie dough by myself tonight" approach which fails because you end up watching some romantic comedy where people fall in love and when your roommate gets back from their awesome date your crying on the couch stuffing your face, bad idea. So what to do? You tell me, I've been trying to figure it out for like four years. But seriously, the truth is, for those of us who are suffering from being single on this celebrated day, remaining hopeful that next year we might actually get to participate in the holiday is about all we can do (or egg cars at your local Ruth's Chris.) So to all of you in my boat, let's be happy this Tuesday, because statistics show that at least 50% of the couples on dates will be single soon (evil laugh.)

Stepping Out

I think its fair to say that most people have a pretty clear idea of comfort zones and thus are able to recognize their own. The downfall of recognizing our individual comfort zones is that they aren't always accurate. Typically they are skewed one way or the other, better put, people like to think that their "zone" is pretty large and are willing to do or say quite a bit in most situations (this is me) or they undercut themselves and create an idea that they aren't willing to do much that involves going out of their way. The problem with both is that it leads to people not doing much at all because they either don't feel the need to or they feel they can't, I'm guilty of this, hence why I'm writing. Life is complicated and presents more opportunities than we can imagine to get out of  our comfort zones if we choose to. When I think about opportunities that I've passed up or ones that I'm passing up right now it's clear that I've missed out some things that could have been great. These opportunities can range from choosing to say yes to something that might scare you to death or doing something as simple as going on a date. If we don't step out of our comfort zones its inevitable that we will miss out on some pretty awesome things in life, and let's face it, we don't enjoy looking back with regret, so step out, enjoy life.